211. Addressing Favoritism in Dance Studios: Strategies for Teachers, Dancers, and Parents

211 - Favoritism

[00:00:00] Welcome to Passion for Dance. I'm your host, Dr. Chelsea, and my mission is to create happier, more successful dancers through positive mental skills. And today I'm going to tackle a common source of frustration and a culture killer in the studio or on your team, and that's favoritism. Dancers might think teachers play favorites all day every day, and that may or may not be true. Some teachers are more aware of it than others, and some teachers truly work hard to make sure it's not happening. A lot of the reason favoritism is so harmful to our studios and teams is that even the perception of favorites is devastating.

So let's talk about it. Today i'll break down what favoritism looks like in dance, why it happens, and how it affects athletes emotionally and socially. And of course I'll include what we can do about it. I've even got advice for parents at the end, so stick around.

Welcome to Passion for Dance. I'm Dr. Chelsea, a former professional dancer, turn sport psychologist, and this podcast is for [00:01:00] everyone in the dance industry who want to learn actionable strategies and new mindsets to build happier, more successful dancers. I. I know what it feels like to push through the pain, take on all the criticism, and do whatever it takes to make sure the show will go on.

But I also know that we understand more about mental health and resilience than ever before, and it's time to change the industry for the better. This podcast is for all of us to connect, learn, and share our passion for dance with the world.

Favoritism can take many forms, but I think at its core we're talking about when a dancer is given preferential treatment based on non merit or non dance factors. It's usually based on things like family connections, physical appearance, social status, or I've even seen preferential treatment based on parents.

Playing favorites at the studio or on the school team can destroy team culture and create so much animosity, apathy, outright anger among the dancers. Dance should be a place where everyone is included. Each dancer [00:02:00] is given feedback to support their growth, and everyone is given the same opportunities. What they do with those opportunities is up to them, but everyone is given the same playing field. When teachers play favorites, that can't happen.

In dance favoritism looks very similar to other sports with some added challenges based on the subjective nature of what we do. Favoritism usually looks like unfair attention, meaning when a teacher only offers feedback to a few select standout students, or it's about placement in formation that isn't rooted in actual skill and work ethic. Or favoritism can also be about what you get away with. When dancers are mean to others or break the rules, or have a general disregard for others or the studio culture. And teachers don't address it, but they will address it with some dancers just not everyone. Being treated fairly is about equity in both opportunity and discipline.

Dance playing favorites often shows up in casting or placements in routines and formations, but to me this is tricky because a [00:03:00] teacher may feel like a role or a placement is completely earned and valid, but other dancers perceive favoritism, real or not, just because they didn't get what they want.

In performing arts, we can't measure skill by specific stats like other sports. A gymnastics coach, for example, who is choosing which athlete will have the coveted spot of anchoring the team on bars, has the data of an athlete's past scores their potential score for that day and ability to handle pressure to back up their decision. Dance doesn't have the same tangible data to help explain to dancers and parents why decisions are made. Maybe it is favoritism or maybe the dancer has truly earned their spot. But either way, the damage happens when there's a perception of favoritism in our subjective space that isn't addressed.

Another important area where favoritism shows up is among teacher student relationships. Many teachers can become very close to their athletes, and inevitably they're closer to some than others.

Maybe it's [00:04:00] because of years working together. Maybe it's because of coachability or just personality alignment, but some teacher student relationships are closer and usually those athletes are perceived as a favorite. It starts to give that teacher's pet dynamic, which is where the emotional toll of favoritism and the team drama can start. When dancers perceive emotional favoritism, they think their teachers are closer to the other dancers. They think that the teachers are spending more time with certain dancers or they care more about their personal lives. That can create tension or social divides on the team.

. We also have to own the fact that sometimes favoritism is due to bias based on appearance. In some areas of dance the dancer, who has the more idealized body or who simply fits what the casting director is looking for in height, attractiveness, ethnicity or simply being more personable can receive the favorable role. Sometimes those decisions are unconscious. And I do think casting directors and choreographers are more aware of this now. And as a dance community, there are more and more [00:05:00] people working to reduce these biases and stereotypes. But unfortunately, they still exist. And marginalized students may feel and truly be excluded from key roles despite having the necessary talent. They perceive the very real favoritism in the room.

Finally, I have to address that a lot of favoritism with school age dancers is rooted in parent pressure, parent conflict, and parent intervention. Parents in performing arts can be very hands-on. They push for solos, insert themselves in casting decisions, have very strong opinions on costumes and formations, and this can cause teachers to feel the pressure to appease influential families and reduce their own stress by just giving in.

I'm not condoning that, but I also completely get it. Pressure from dance parents can make the perception of favoritism and the actual behavior more likely. If the negative consequences of favoritism aren't already clear, know that it gives the advantage to dancers that didn't earn it, and then demotivates those dancers who try the hardest.

[00:06:00] It can lower self-esteem in dancers cause resentment, and it certainly increases the chances that a dancer will quit and leave altogether. It also greatly impacts team culture causing more conflict and drama, and we certainly don't need any more of that. So what do we do about it?

It starts from the top, and that could mean more training for studio owners and coaches on fairness and inclusive leadership. I think if you asked any current teacher, they experienced favoritism as a dancer and probably didn't have a positive experience with it. Even when you are the favorite, that can cause isolation and peer pressure damaging even the strongest of dancers. I personally experienced it on both sides. I had some benefits of being a favorite at times, and other times I felt the exclusion and desire to give up 'cause I knew it didn't matter how hard I trained or what I did, I'd never get the role.

Teachers have all been there and a specific training and awareness of favoritism can go a long way to changing the studio environment that many of us grew up in to be more inclusive today.[00:07:00] 

I also think clear communication is vital. I was talking with another professional in the industry recently, and we both agreed it used to be okay and accepted that your dance teacher made a decision and you didn't question it, you just went with it.

Now, the need for communication around decisions is much higher. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Promoting transparency is healthy and helpful for any team or studio culture, and that doesn't mean teachers have to explain every little thing, but I do believe if your values are clearly communicated from the beginning, you can make decisions that align with that and always have something to stand on when someone perceives favoritism.

Talk openly with dancers and parents about how sensitive decisions are made before there are problems and accusations of favoritism. Clear is kind.

Okay. What about students and parents? If you think your teacher is playing favorites, what can you do about it? I know that addressing perceived favoritism, whether it's real or not, can be difficult for both athletes and parents, but it's critical for maintaining [00:08:00] mental wellbeing, team cohesion and growth as a dancer.

I wanna pause for just a second and say hello to any new listeners and thank you for being a part of the community. If you're new to the show today or found us recently, I have a special resource for you. It's simply the new listener resource, and it has my best recommendations for other podcasts or books to inspire you, as well as all my current free resources that you can download, which includes things like the competition confidence checklist, or journal prompts that might help you today.

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So here's my advice, parents and dancers, I hope you can take these actionable research informed solutions for yourself. For dancers, control the controllables channel your energy into what you can control, your attitude, your effort, and your focus. Coaches will notice consistency over time and if you are able to do the work, when you do choose to address perceived favoritism, you do. You have your own work ethic and growth to stand on. Just complaining that someone else is getting preferential treatment won't do you any favors. But if you have been consistently showing up and putting in the work, you have more of a leg to stand on to have the conversation.

Psychological research has shown over and over that athletes who are more focused on effort and improvement are more resilient to unfair [00:10:00] treatment. So if favoritism is happening in your studio, stay in your lane. Don't compare your journey to anyone else and continue to see your own progress, even if teachers aren't acknowledging it. You'll be happier for it. And if and when you do choose to address it, you'll have the evidence of your own growth and work ethic to back you up in the conversation.

Secondly, dancers can actively seek out constructive feedback. If you feel like a teacher is playing favorites and not paying attention to you, put in the work and ask for feedback.

It's not about being confrontational or emotionally charged in your questions, but instead, you can ask after class. You know, you made a comment in class today about being more powerful in our movements. Can you help me improve that for next time? What can I do? On one hand, hopefully you'll get good feedback. And on another hand, you signal to your teacher that you want more feedback, and that might even highlight that you didn't hear from them directly in class, and hopefully they'll pay more attention in the future. This opens dialogue [00:11:00] and gives coaches a chance to reflect on their decisions and their feedback and their attention, potentially reducing unconscious bias.

. Third dancers can build their own support network. Surround yourself with teammates who share your value of fairness and team cohesion. The key here is to avoid toxic gossiping and venting that breeds more resentment and will make things worse. Instead, be a supportive place for each other.

Be the hype person for your teammate. Be a place of positive feedback and create the nurturing environment you want. It might only start with two or three of you, but you'll feel better and the positivity will catch up to you. You probably won't always have the wonderful, supportive teacher you deserve. And believe me, I hope you do. But if you don't, take control and create your own supportive environment.

Let's turn to parents. What can you do when you perceive favoritism? I first encourage you to please pause before acting. Distinguish between true favoritism and natural [00:12:00] competition and developmental differences in dancers.

Are you having an emotional reaction because your dancer is upset? Or is there truly a pattern of unfair treatment that should be addressed? Is your child upset and you wanna fix it for them? Or is there truly biased treatment happening in the studio? If you believe favoritism is truly damaging your child and the team, you can request a respectful meeting.

Schedule a calm, private conversation with the coach, or if your child is in high school or older, encourage the child to set the meeting. This will always be more well received when it comes from the dancer, and whether it's you or your dancer, or both, use a solution oriented approach. Complaining with no solution is rarely going to move the needle in a positive direction.

Ask questions like, I'd like to understand how routine placements are made, or, what can I do to support my child's goals at home? Research shows that parents who frame questions around learning and not fairness alone get better outcomes and preserve [00:13:00] relationships.

I think one of the most important things parents can do is empower their children before they intervene. Encourage your child to advocate for themselves from a young age. Don't jump in to speak for them or skip straight to a solution that eases your mind. Help them prepare talking points and rehearse a respectful conversation with their teacher.

Now I speak to you as both a professional in developmental psychology and a mom. I absolutely understand that desire to intervene for my child. And when that happens, I try to pause and ask, what's the skill I want them to learn here? Do I want them to learn that mom will fix everything and even when they're adult in their twenties and at their first job, that mom will swoop in and fix it?

No, I probably want them to learn the confidence to fix their own problem. Sure. I hope they know and believe that I will always be there for them and I will. But I also know when you fix all of your child's problems for them, including when they perceive unfair treatment, [00:14:00] they learn they're not capable of handling things, they're on their own.

You actually harm their confidence by stepping in. Instead, boost their confidence, increase their self-esteem by helping them learn that they can advocate for themselves and find their own resolutions with you by their side, of course. You're always on the sideline and there to support them, and if things escalate, you may need to intervene, that's understandable. But start with empowering your child to have the tools to address the problem themselves.

Finally, parents can support a growth mindset at home, reinforce the value of effort, teamwork, and focusing on your own growth. Consider for yourself for a minute.

Do you always ask questions about other dancers or focus on who got what placement? Do you get more excited when your dancer is in front than when they work just as hard, but are dancing in the back for that routine? Be the model for a growth mindset and celebrate persistence and improvement, not winning and placements [00:15:00] formations on the floor. Your child is learning how to tell, what makes them worthy of praise and where to put their effort. If you focus on how they compare to everyone else, so will your dancer.

I fully understand that favoritism is real and it's harmful, but it's also avoidable. As teachers, we can learn from our mistakes and from past experiences and do better. As dancers we can be focused on what's in our control and advocate for ourselves when needed. And as parents, we can help our children learn to navigate these challenges in life because these things will happen in other areas of their lives, and we as parents can help them learn perseverance and confidence when dance presents any challenge, but then we allow the child to find the solution with our love and support on the side.

Okay. I know this is also a big topic. I can't cover it all here, and I'd love to hear from you. Have you ever witnessed or experienced favoritism and dance as a dancer, as a parent, as a teacher?

How did you handle it? What helped [00:16:00] you or what made it worse? Teachers, what do you wish parents understood? Or parents, what do you wish the teachers understood? Leave me a voice note. Send me a question. Send me your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you. You can contact me at passion for dance podcast.com/question.

Let's continue this conversation. Thank you for listening and keep sharing your passion for dance with the world.

Thank you for listening to Passion for Dance. You can find all episode resources at passion for dance podcast.com and be sure to follow me on Instagram for more high performance tips at Doctor Chelsea dot Otti. That's P-I-E-R-O-T-T-I. This podcast is for passionate dancers and dance educators who are ready to change our industry by creating happier, more successful dancers.

I'm Dr. Chelsea and keep sharing your passion for dance with the world.